Credit where credit is due...

You just got to say it...

For no reason other than she is who she is, she is mine and I am hers.

10 reasons my wife is awesome:

10. She lets me watch hockey games instead of doing photography work from time to time.
If you own your own company, I am sure that you have heard the old saying, be prepared to work 24x7. Well the person that said that was a lair, be prepared to work 48x8. For that very reason, her letting me mindless watch a hockey game from time to time is awesome.

9. She puts up with my nonsense,
I tend to be a little racoonish from time to time, and every time I get a flight of fancy to see how far down the rabbit hole I can get on a new topic she is always very supportive and tentative listens to me ramble on about the new subject that has caught my attention.

8. My grammar makes her laugh.
If you know me, or read this blog, you know that my command of the English language is less than Captain like. She not only likes my miss-spellings, they make her smile and laugh, two of the most beautiful things in the world.

7. She likes to and can fish.
Enough said.

6. She said yes.
When I proposed, it was with the Dr. Seuss book One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and she still said yes.

5. No matter how mad she is at me, she will always kiss me goodnight.
Ok, I will full admit it, I'm a man, and with that I tend to laugh at the wrong moment, forget things, and generally overlook things that are truly important to her from time to time. The fact that she will always, with out question kiss me goodnight touches my sole. Granted sometimes after the kiss she is suffocating me with the good pillow, but its in a loving sort of way.

4. She's good with small details.
She wrote ever one of our thank you cards, even to my family. How cool is that? If it was not for my wife, no one would a card in the mail, and all Birthdays would be missed. She makes me look like a rockstar when it comes to the small details.

3. She believes in the golden rule, pay it forward, God, and its the thought that counts.
After all, this is just a blog post, ranking slightly higher than flowers and chocolates.

2. She belies in living for your husband, and that your husband should live for you.
I can define this one very simply, no matter the ups and downs, in the history of marriages, Best Marriage Ever!

1. She is the first thing I see every day, and the last thing I see ever night.
Her smile makes me smile, her laugh makes me laugh. When I make her laugh I truly believe I am funny. The world could be coming to the end and the last thing I want to see is her.

Declaration of Independance...

An open letter to the 20lbs that are blocking me from my 2nd weight loss goal...

Dear 20lbs,

I believe we may be having a communication disconnect. I have, unsuccessfully been trying to let you know for the past two months that I want to end our relationship. It is becoming apparent to me that you either, have not gotten the hint, or do not understand what my intent is.

So I decided to sit right down a write you a letter spelling out my intent.

I don't want to be with you any more, well let me put that a different way, I don't want you to be with me any more. I have tried to let you know this over the past two months. All the vegetables I have eaten, the beer I have not drank, the fried foods I have not eaten all of theses were to be indications of my ending our relationship.

Remember all of the walks we have taken with the dogs, you were only brought along so that you could find someplace else to live. I have not been drinking that much water because I like the view at the urinal. Remember cream in our coffee, yea, I used to like that, but I thought that if I got rid of that you might get the hint!

I urge you, plead, no beg, leave me. Go find another man, woman, hell go find a ground hog for all I care. Just leave damm you!

I am sure you can find a new, willing home.

During my week, I see hundreds of people, based on their eating habits that seem more then willing to allow you in. If they will not allow you to lodge with them in whole, I am sure you can part your self out and find a happy residence someplace.

I expect that by the next time I step on the scale to find that you have started to move your things out.

If at the next time I step on the scale, I find that you have not started to move out, I will be forced to take drastic measures.

Don't make me JOG!

Regards,
Jason

Also in agreement,
Jason's stomic, back, sides, legs, heart, liver, kidneys, colon, arms, neck, cheeks (both sets), ankels and feet.

PS. I have conducted a poll with all other body parts that are not listed on this declaration in the above signed section, while they have withheld their signature for their own reasons, they are not, and will not be willing to open their body positions for your permanent or temporary lodging.

A Case for Pie...

Simply stated...

I love pie. I love pie so much I have cat named Magpie...

I have never meet a pie, that I did not like, keylime, apple, peach, mincemeat, shoefly = Yum!

I get absolutely whimsical over bing cherry. Ask my wife, she has had to pry me from the pie case on more then one occasion.

They say all men dream of sex, I dream of pie.

Pumpkin is a religion, the church of pumpkin. Its almost the hole reason to have thanksgiving dinner.

And blueberry, droll worthy, I would hold Dr. Who hostage at gun point for the chance of a piece of my Nan's fresh Blueberry pie with crumb top crust.

I own a pie fork, a pie server, a pie pan, and a pie bird. I even have a plate and a bowl that I only eat pie from!

The thing is, it needs to be good pie, and to be a good pie, it needs to be home made, all of it.

The crust needs to be thin, flaky, a perfect marriage of water, flour and butter. The filling, HOMEMADE, if your pie comes from a can, and its anything other pumpkin, go back and try again.

When eating dinner out, I will check out the desert tray FIRST. If the Pie sucks, lets go somewhere else.

I have eaten bad steaks, and sent canned filling pies back to the kitchen.

I, maybe more then most appreciate the role of the pastry chef. I once attempted to use my grocery budget to win a pie of the month club from a 4H auction.

But there is a problem, I don't get to eat much pie any more.

When I was young, there seemed to always be pie. Pie every week, during the summer when people still went out he picked berries, ohh the berries pies of my child hood. There was even pie for breakfast! But what happened to them, where did they go, and when did it happen?

I got older....

My family, and rightfully so, were concerned with my weight, so the pie supply was limited, cut off, gone, good by. I appreciate my family's intervention causing my weight loss, but I will be the first to tell you that I miss pie.

So with the effort in putting pie back on my fork, in correctly monitored quantity, I present...

A Case for Pie...

Wikipedia Defines Pie as: A pie is a baked dish which is usually made of a pastry dough casing that covers or completely contains a filling of various sweet or savory ingredients.

But pie is so much more then the sum of its parts. Some say that Cake is the end all be all desert offering, proof on concept. They serve cake at weddings. (not all, and not mine)

So lets look at Pie vs Cake...

Frosting distribution is an issue...

When you eat cake, you either want the frosting rose, or you don't eat cake. With Pie, everyone gets the same amount of sweet, tasty love.

Enjoyment over time...

When I eat cake, there is the initial HUM, cake, but then that its, its over. With Pie it is a long and delicious process. Cake is like sitting at a campground with friends, Pie is like sitting on the beach on a tropical island.

Pie has a greater mass of love...

Pie - Excellent crust filling with yummy sweet goodness center.
Cake - A delivery vehicle for frosting, and what is the fluffy part in the center?

To much..

When you eat to much Cake you feel bad, when you eat to much Pie you feel happy.

Now lets look at the science...

With all things equal

Cake - 370 Cals, 19.6g Fat, 50.3g Carbs.
Pie - 280 Cals, 15g Fat, 40g Carbs
Ice Cream - 260 Cals, 14 Fat, 32 Carbs

While ice cream comes in as the most healthy when it comes to desert, and I love ice cream (especially on pie) Pie is truly the most appropriate choice for making this man happy when it comes to the sweet desert.

So please, I beg of you, to all the powers that be in the world, more so than any other many has ever beged for a food item before. I plead, I beg, I grovel, let them eat cake, but I'll take PIE.

A letter to pie...

Dear Pie,

Please find your way back into my life, I know we have not talked for a long time and with the hole eathing heatly, and losing weight we may have split up on bad terms. I know I may have done you wrong with the sugar sub-statue, and shuning real butter dieting. But I still need you, my fork has not been the same with out you. Just the other day the ice cream skoop asked where you have been. The dog has been asking about you to. I have the pie pan clean, the mixer ready, and my pie fork (Yes, I have a pie fork) polished for your return. Come back to me, we can start slow, maybe with a tart. But I know, if we can find a way to settle our differences we can find a way for you to be back on my plate, on my fork and in my tummy where you belong.

You long lost friend and Pie connoisseur.

~Jason

Web sites and Cname

Well, the last 48 hours have been an education in the world of web page hosting, but I believe at long last the new MMP web site is up and running.

www.melissamcclainphotography.com

Click, browse, enjoy!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Reasons to Date/Marry a Geek...

I had a conversation today as to why some of my female coworkers had married geeks, when in fact they would not seek them out during the dating carriers.

This prompted me to thinking that geeks may in fact be the best option in today's society as life long partners.

I'm fully aware that I may be biased when it come to my option of the awsomeness of the geeky mate, but I have come up with some reasons to support my theory.

Reasons to Date/Marry a Geek.

1) Geeks get shit done
Geeks are accustomed to muti-tasking, in fact we invented it. At the start of the technological boom we realized that those with tech skills will go far. How better to achive at work, then to come up with a system of doing more in less time and being good at our own system.

2) Geeks are attentive
Geeks tend to pay attention to the world around us, this stems from the fact that for most of our lives we have been shunned from the "popular" society standard. What this allows us is spare time to understand human dynamics, relationship and active listening skills. Geeks pay attention, we have to. We have lots of information streaming to us as all times, if we could not pay attention to it all we would drown, and lose our geek status.

3) Geeks can, and will fix your computer
Do I really have to explain this one. If we cant fix it, we know someone that can. You, will never have to call tech support again, in fact after starting to date a geek, your social calendar will start to fill for in home dinners of friends that Really, REALLY want you to bring your Geek friend along so they can fix their computer problem.

4) Geeks know tech
Say you are not a computer person, but love movies, TV, radio, entertainment, gaming. Like most non-geeks, you may not know how to hook up that $5,000 entertainment system you just purchased. We DO! Not only do we know how to hook it up, a geek will, with out complaint do a good job at it because: 1) We enjoy playing with well made electronics. 2) We know its going to make you happy, and there for make us happy. 3) We are attentive to details and not "afraid" to read the manual, since it was fellow geek that wrote the manual.

5) Geeks know sex
Geeks spend time, LOTS of time researching topics that we don't know about. Trust me, every geek on the planet has spent a considerable amount of time reading articles, watching movies, and educating them selves on how to please their target gender between the covers. Lets face a fact here, if a geek can put together a supper computer, server, IT Farm, compile a computer game interface, database, software package ect, we can bring our lover to their desired end. ;)

6) Geeks are willing to experiment
While we are on the topic of sex, geeks are not generally reserved about what happens in the bed room. If there is something you would like to try, role playing, role reversal, toys, lotions, ect, we have either thought about it, read about it, or are willing to set up some safe guidelines that will allow for equal experimentation. All we ask in return is that you are willing to potentiality stretch your boundaries as well.

7) Geeks have friends, and the tend not to be dicks
Our time is extremely valuable to us, there is nothing more troubling then knowing we just wasted 5 hours at a friends house when there was a good WoW raid going on. For that reason we tend to be very selective on who our friends are. Also, if you have made it to the meeting the friends stage of a relationship with a geek, things are looking good. We will not bring you into that inner circle if we feel that there is not a very good chance that you will be hanging around.a

8) Geeks do, or will make a decent salary
Lets face it, our "skillz" are needed by those that don't have them. We know it, non-geeks know it, and I can prove it. I know all non geeks make fun of tech support, its ok, tech support makes fun of all the non-geeks just as much. The difference is, most tech support agents are smart enough to do the job of the non-geek calling them for support, and we know it. Tech support is funny to non-geeks right up to the point when that "Cooking Website" you were looking at after work, somehow put a picture of "A waitress" as your background and your wife will be home in 15 min.

9) Geeks as a hole, don't cheat
Truth be told, geeks have to work very hard to get into a good relationship, with someone caring, and understanding of our special relationship management needs. For that reason, we will not mess up a good thing by hooking up with the soccer mom down the street. This is also a factor of time, Geeks tend to not waist allot of time, since we are poring our time into you, we will not have less of it for the things that we used to do, this is not a bad thing. But since we still want to do thous things we will not waist that time on the soccer mom.

10) Geeks are respectful
Geeks have been crapped on for a long time, and we are smart. Because of these two things we know how to treat people. Want to impress your grandparents, bring a geek to Christmas dinner!

11) Geeks are excellent problem solvers
Its what we do! And the best part, most of time we have to do it with limited information.
"Ok sir, I understand that you can't get your email, are you currently connected to the internet?"
You might chuckle at that statement, but we have had to ask it.

12) Geeks dig education
I'm going to give you a peal of geek wisdom here. Being a geek is hard work, we have a more difficult social and intellectual structure then most non-geeks understand. Where a "cool" kid in school needs the right car, the right language, the right friends, and the right clothing, we needed to be able to actually DO all the things that made us geeks in the first place. Lets face it, a LEET (Geek speak for Elite) band geek did not get there without being really, really good at their chosen instrument(s). I know you might be laughing at this, tech geeks hold band geeks in high regard, ever see what Elvis did to woman when he performed?

13) Geeks are passionate
When geeks decided to do something, we don't go into it half assed. Either we do it, or we don't. Proff? Go to a comic book convention, one they are allot of fun if you have never been, and two check out the costumes being worn by some of the attendees. Realize that these geeks have spent there hard earned money to plan, buy, create and in some cases hand make them just so they can were then to this one event!

14) Geeks have the patience of a saint
Have you ever tried to dual boot an iMac with Windows ME? Just to get the thing running you are spending all weekend. Geeks spend time getting things working, and then spend more time getting them working well, that kind of stuff matters to us. With that come patience, lots and lots of patience.

15) Geeks will support you
As we know already, geeks have hobbies, LOTS of hobbies, and we tend to be really passionate about them. So we get it when you want to spend all your time with a new hobby, most likly we will find it interesting as well since we can A) Spend time with you, B) Learn something new, and C) Most likely bring geeky stuff into it to make it really cool.

16) Geeks will give you your space
This can be a hard one for non-geeks to understand. Realize that geeks have filled our lives with things that we found extremely interesting before we ever meet you. After we meet you we are still going to do a lot of those things, we accept that our online gaming time is going to take a hit, trust us we are OK give that time to you. But, we are still going to take some times to our selves to do our geek stuff, its who we are. Take this as a good thing, take the time, read, play, shop, sleep, hang out with your friends, hell hang out with us! You might find that WoW is actually pretty cool!

17) Geeks are romantic
Geeks are, in fact very romantic, just in a different ways. Rather then a romantic candle light dinner and a movie, you might get a beautify written and thought out blog posting about their love for you, that I might point out they are willing to SHARE with the world!

18) Geeks are easy to shop for
I have one sentence for you on this one, every geek I know has an Amazon.com wish list! Ok more then one sentence, if you are buying a geek tech, and you are looking at a model other than what is on their wish list, you are doing it wrong. Geeks put allot of time and effort into what goes onto their wish list. We have read everything online about that item and made damm sure that the item we put on our list has all the features that we need/want. Please, please, please if you are going to buy a geek something, make sure you get the right item. There is no shame in printing out the wish list, taking it to the store of your choice, handing the list to a geek working there and telling them that you want to buy us "That". The geek working at the store will get it, understand and make sure you are on your way with the correct item.

19) Geeks aren't concerned with social norms
We don't have time to care, also its very hard to shock us. Most of the time we have either see it first hand, or have read about it, so we are cool with just about anything that can happen socially. We may not join in, but we will not be a dick and embarrass you.

20) Geeks are easy to get a hold of
Geeks have many, many social connections that we keep running at all times. Text, online media, social media, connected resources, phone, chat, streaming... ect

21) Geeks are everywhere
Hears the thing, there are allot of geeks out there, and we know how to identify our kind. We also tend to gravitate to talking with, associating with, buying from, working with and hanging out with fellow geeks. If your chosen geek dose not know how to do something, I'm willing to bet that they know someone who dose. You might find it strange that we talk about that new game for 45 min at the store with the guy in all black with the sliver chains, but when we get home and play it with you its going to be a really good game! Geeks dont let fellow geeks waist money.

22) Geeks can find it
Geeks are excellent at and will happily find you that Yves Saint Laurent - ChYC Flap-Top Shoulder bag for MUCH less then the listed $1500. We are made for online searching, cause well, we designed online searching. Who do you think came up with Google? Other thing here, we understand quality and price have something to do with each other. We will not balk and pitch a fit about you spending $1500 for a hand bag, or $225 for a pair of Kate Spade, Hula Too Thong Sandals. Reason, we are going to drop $3000-5000 on a computer, cause we know that at those prices its going to do what its supposed to do! To a geek there is nothing, absolutely nothing more frustrating then spending money on something that dose not work as advertized.

23) Geeks remember stuff
OK, this is a bit of a lie, we really don't remember details well. What we do well is set up system that will remind us of stuff when we need to know it. Example, I have an online reminder server set up for the following - 2 week prior to wife and I's first date, day of first date, 2 month reminder of anniversary, day of anniversary, 1 week out and day of all birthdays, all online bill payments, car inspections, taxes due, major holidays and special events that need my attention.

24) Geeks appreciate effort
Geeks will notice and comment on the little things you do for them. A geek might see you putting the cap back on the tooth past tube as the sweetest thing you could have done, cause in fact something like that drives most geeks crazy! Geeks understand that the little things can take the most effort, and they will be extremely appreciative of it.

25) Geeks are clean, organized and neat
Geeks have allot going on, they tend to work and play in close groups, we also don't have allot of time to waist on finding stuff. For thous reasons geeks tend to keep them selves and their environments clean, neat and well organized. A cavot here, it takes time for a geek in a new environment to get things the way they should be, sometimes ALLOT of time. Part of the problem here is time, we are being pulled in so many directions that we will sacrifice our time to clean, org and neaten up for others.

26) Geeks change
Geeks are not afraid of change, in fact we embrace it. Our lives are always changing, new tech, new terms, new science, new stuff. This also holds true to our non-geek side, if you don't care for the white short sleeved shirt with a tie look on your geek, just let them know. They are in fact most likely more then happy to change SOME aspects of their personal appearance, and environment to accommodate you. We want you to be happy to. !WORD OF CAUTION! Don't go into a geek relationship thinking that you are going to change everything about a geek and make them a non-geek. It will end badly, we are happy being geeks, we like being geeks and we tend to be geeks for the rest of our lives.

27) Geeks will introduce you to new things
Geeks operate in and are a part of a world that most non-geeks never know exist. Keep you mind open when hanging out with a geek, the might be able to show you somethings that you may just find out you like.

28) Geeks can cook
As a hole, geeks can cook, WELL! Reason, cooking is based on science, science is a geek subject. Other reason, cooking has cool gadgets, geeks like gadgets. Other, other reason, geeks have figured out long ago that they can live on Hamburgers and Doritos, but chicken with white wine reduction and mushroom cream sauce is MUCH better. Also, the chicken attracts potential mates :)

29) Geeks will make your life better
Lets face it, the world in which geeks operate is digital, and most likely if you are looking at a geek as a partner then your life is also digital. As we have learned, geeks travel is very large tight circles, and if you are having a problem with your digital world, who better to turn to then your loving, caring, attentive in home geek and their very vast resource base?

29.1) Geeks make excellent parents
Geeks are not afraid of kids, we understand kids, hell in some ways we still are kids. Kids like toys, geeks like toys. Kids like to play games, Geeks like to play games. Kids don't care if they look silly to the mass public, Geeks don't care if the..... you get my point.

29.2) Geeks don't care much about appearance
Geeks are much more focused on how you can stimulate their minds, then how you stack up next to the fashion magazines. If you don't want to job every day, then don't a geek is not going to care. Geeks do take care of them selves and most likely every one around them. A reason for this is that geeks don't trust companies and governments as a hole. Geeks read labels, find out what chemicals are and make informed health decisions. One of the primary reasons we would never hold someone up to the fashion magazine model is that it was a geek that airbrushed the images in thous magazine and well, we share the pre-airbrushed images with each other for kicks!

And finally!

30) Geeks believe in trust
A geek will not hound you on where you have been, what you have been doing and who you have been doing it with. If you tell them that you were at the bar with your girl friends, were good. We believe in trust cause we expect it back, we don't have the time or the energy to waist in hacking your SIM card and checking all of your SMS message remotely, even thought we know how to do it.

So if you are in the market, don't rule out the humble geek, you may find that they will show you a side of your self, and a world that you did know about.

And if you have already found your geek, make sure they know how much they mean to you.

I think that dating/marrying the humble, well mannered, nerdy, tech savoy, good in bed, willing to play, open to new things and all around handy geek is one of the best possible life partner choices a person can make.

And you call your self a photographer...

Impending doom...

My right had has been bothering me for sometime, meds, flexing, night brace, none of it really helped. So a few weeks ago, we started to go down the path of getting real tests done to find out what the problem is. Drum roll,, Carpal Tunnel. To the point of, I need surgery in order to keep from having nerve damage. Oh Joy. Surgery is two Days away, I'm not looking forward to the pain, or the healing process, but I am very much looking forward to being able to do things with my right hand and not have it fall asleep any more.

Good things are that we have a wonderful team, and they are pulling together for one or two events till I can hold a camera again. I am sure it will be a learning lesson for them, and me for that matter. I have never not held a camera at an event for the entire time.

Melissa has threatened me with beatings if I so much as pick up a camera, maybe if I'm lucky I can sneak in a few shots when she is not looking.

You call your self a photographer...

There are a long running set of posts on photography groups that read something like the following

Question "How do I know when I am ready to become a professional photographer?"

Inevitably someone will answer, "If you have to ask, you are not ready!"

I can't tell you how much I hate this, and the mind set behind it. To me this reeks like an old fishing pier of the embedded professional that just cant fathom how someone could start into this field and call them selves a professional with out background, education, association, intern time, being poor and impoverished for an extended period of time. It all goes back to that using your milk money to buy a camera and if you never did that they you did not learn, you are not ready.

If the adult learning industry and the digital camera boom of the last 10 years has thought us anything, people learn to shoot in different ways. With that understanding, I say anyone that wants to go pro can.

Notice that I did not say, "Anyone that wants to be a successful professional photographer can be one" The key term here is successful, and what you define it as.

If successful is shooting 3 to 4 events a year and getting paid for it, and producing images that your client is happy with, then you are a successful professional photographer.

If successful is shooting 30-50 events a year, getting paid and producing images your clients are happy with, then you are a successful professional photographer.

The question is what can you do, and what is your clients option of your work, and expectation.

Where I will stand behind the idea of you need to know if you are a pro or not is when you take a clients money, there cant be any dough in your mind that you have the props to get the job done. If your unsure of that, then I would suggest building a partnership with an existing pro in your area and spending a few days in their shoes. That time will survey you well to test bed your skills against what a clients expectation is.

Also please keep in mind that being a professional photographer dose not just mean shooting pictures, there is an entire "running" of the business that must take place behind it. Being that most of us are not independilty wealthy...... (Wait, let me check my lottery ticket..... dammit!) This costs money to, so unless you plan on quitting your day job, that means that for at least a while you will be working two jobs. My best recommendation, forget vacations and sleep for a while.

When do you shoot...

Recently I was asked the question "When do you have your camera with you?" My response, "all the time"

If your goal is to really get used to your camera, set it to Manual mode, and take it everywhere. Take it to school, work, bed, parties, sporting events, everywhere, and SHOOT with it. Fill the card with nine thousand bad shots. Time and experience will teach you that there is never a bad time to have a camera along for the ride, before doing this there has been more times when I have thought "Man I wish I had my camera, that would be a really cool shot"

The best way I can releate this topic is by telling a story I learned from Annie Leibovitz. (hehe, they way I said that it sounds like she told me it personally, yea, well lets go with that)

Her partner Susan Sontag was dieing of Myelodysplastic syndrome, after being treated with a bone marrow transplant and having the transplant fail, she was flown home to live out the rest of her days. Annie, being a person of true photographic blood had her camera along for the trip.

While taking her off the plane on the ride home, Annie photographed it:

(I will post some images for support on my site, but not this one)

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd0L5BK85DAWjW7iWYhOri0OEKKHxDdfa2NLLG1IqEjgjhtE6lN8AB7apF6KQrFDunV2FNd9q1hyphenhyphenwavFKHL1iZMNJS_8j3yNlokaouSOH-ZIkVtQWYmbehZrIjjLP-DuY9aRRbxPOOCUGx/s1600-h/sontag_lg.jpg

How many of us would have the presence of mind to photograph an event like this? Some say its disrespectful, rude, and intrusive.

My question is, is death not a part of life? So why not celebrate, display, and document all of someones life?

Is photojournalism only capturing the parts of life that we find happy?

Or is it in fact showing all of the human condition, in all its glory and shame?

Beer, Beer, good by Beer...

Changes...

I tend to have a personality type that supports one of two personal logics.

1) If it works, leave it alone
or
2) If you are comfortable with something, make a change

This all goes back to a sermon I heard as a young man, where the Paster handed out rubber bands to the entire church. He went on to speak about how we get comfortable in our routine, and that if you don't stretch your self from time to time you will grow brittle, just like a rubber band will if it is not stretched and flexed from time to time.

Well time to stretch and flex, in a spirits kind of way. (no typo there)

Beer, how I love you, be free...for now

I love beer, I love beer so much when I drive past a wheat field I get dirty looks from the seed pods. Every time I even get close to hops you can hear it quivering with fear.

It could be said that I have become a Beer snob, drink good beer, imports, domestics, small batch, craft brew, home brew. I have had beer from every region of the world that makes beer. Some of them I drink often, for example Belgium ales. Some of them I will not drink ever again, African wheat. But I feel that I have not given the proper attention to other mediums of alcohol delivery.

Bring in the Spirits...

While I know a lot of beer, I know very little about spirits. I don't drink hard liquor much. Yea I will have some scotch from time to time, but I cant sit here and tell you that I only like single malt, barrel finished, and not to much peet. Well I can say that, cause I tend to embrace scotch, but what about vodka, bourbon, whiskey. While getting a cheeseburger last night my wife and I were sitting at the bar, and I relied that i did not even know what some of the bottles on the shelf are, let along what they taste like.

Soooooooooooo...

Good by beer, hello spirits.

For the next 6 months to a year, I will not drink a beer, my full attention will be placed on learning about, comparing, tasting and experiencing the full gambit of what the spirits world has to offer.

Now for some guide lines...

This goal will be accomplished by using the following rules.

Rule #1) No mixed drinks.
Reason: Men should never, EVER order an appitini, UNLESS they are ordering a vodka on ice with it, AND they better have a escort for the evening that dose not like vodka!

Rule #2) Taste everything in its purest form
The first time I order something, its going to be the same way I order scotch, in a glass, two ice cubes.

The reason for these two rules is how do you know what something tastes like, if you have only had it mixed up with something else.

Rule 3) Before or after drinking something new, learn of its history. Part of what I enjoy about beer is know what goes into the beer I like to drink, where it comes from, where its made, how its made, what its made from.

Update to follow as I move down this new exploratory road.

For the record, the last beer I drink. Chimay Ale, it was very nice.

I am also going to give my self two weeks to reset my taste buds and do some base resource on spirits, where they come from, how they are made, what they are made with, and what are the goods, the bads and the uglys.

Ouch... Stop that...

Hey Doc, It hearts when I do this....

Well then don't do that silly!

Well, that is at least where it all started. Seems that my enthusiasm for computers has caught up with me. Pain, numbness and loss of strength and range of motion in my right hand has lead to, you guessed it, Carpal Tunnel!

After fighting for it for over a year now, the decision has been made to opt for surgery. My doc, who I like and trust, is also recommending some changes to my life style. Seems that surgery is not a life long repair, and if I go back to doing the things that caused it in the first place, I will need to have the surgery again in my life time. Yea, well, we will not be doing that.

Things that have to change...

So there is a reason I did not like cheep mice. Seems that if you rest your wrist on the mouse or on the table/mouse paid while using the computer that will overtime cause issues. So thankfully my loving wife got me a very nice mouse that the Doc recommends for Christmas this year.

I am also to alternate between that and a trackball with a support.

Learn to write all over again...

They did some tests to today and found that I have lost 20% of the muscle in my right thumb due to the nerve being cut off, while I will have to rebuild that, the extent of the nerve damage is at this point, unknown. Unknown in a manner of they are not sure how much range of motion, muscle growth and overall recovery I will have post surgery.

With that in mind they are recommending I learn to be dual-handed.

With a mouse I am a rock start with the left hand. I tend to like using a mouse left handed just for the fact that the 10 pad is on the right hand side of the keyboard, and being that I am a natural righty, I use my right for most of the keyboard modifier keys.

With a pen, I am like Hellen Keller. I can't write with my left, I don't know many rightys that can. But I have to learn. So today I started all over again with writing out "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"

Chefs Knife - Oh dear god I'm going to be dangerous for a while! Honey do we have lots of band aids.

Camera...

Hand strap is a requirement, I'm not even sure they make a left handed pro level camera.

Bike...

New grips and a raised handlebar set to take some of the weight off my hands. BUT! This is not going to be until post surgery. No undue stress on my left writs until after recovery.

Computer...

They are recommending that I start to use a track ball, hi-arch mouse, or a table for interface to the PC. Also do as much I can by alternating use of both hands. I am supposed to also learn to type using a technique called hovering. Its where you don't left your wrists touch the table or keyboard as you type. I have been doing it for this blog entry, and well its a little bit tricky.

I will keep everyone updates as to my status, rehab and recovery.

This year...

As the year comes to a close I always find my self reflecting on everything accomplished this year. I also put some focus on the items that just did not come to fruition, and try to evaluate them to see what can be done to ensure there successful completion in the upcoming year.

So with that topic in mind for today's blog entry.

2010...

Crazy busy!

That is the best way I can describe, it was year two of full time Melissa McClain Photography, we more then dubbed our bookings from the previous year!!!

MMP was a blast this year, we got to work with so many wonderful clients, we also got to meet and work with and build relationships with some truly gifted and outstanding vendors in the central PA area. Its hard to believe that three years have gone by since my loving wife and I sat down after the holidays and decided to start a photography studio based on a set of guiding principles that are not reflected in the corporate world much today.

The Team...

Who would have thought that in year two, we would be looking at associates. All of our apprentices, training associates and associates have been wonderful, and we would not have been able to get where we are with out you.

I feel that a special thank you must go out to Scott Bostjancic. Shortly after Scott started shooting with us I had a feeling that we had something special happening. His relationship with MMP grew very quickly and extremely organically. I still recall a conversation between Scott and Melissa where he announced that he was not sure if he wanted to shoot weddings. After two years, wow, can Scott shoot weddings!

Early this year Scott graciously accepted the official title of "Lead Training Associate", or I think we called it something like that, but the title dose not truly tell all that he dose for us. Scott is as an intricate part of MMP as Melissa and I are, and with out his involvement, enthusiasm, energy, and technical adaptation we would not be where we are today. He is the craft beer of MMP, the slightly off-center component that keeps us all centered. Scott also took on the "other duties to be assigned" role training the associates and apprentices. He is a sounding board and brain storming partner for all the seeming technical and business challenges we encounter together, all the while he is consistently a producer of some of the finest images I have seen.

Scott also plays the every important job of running the occasional interference between Melissa and myself. Working with my wife is nothing short of a dream come true, and I feel truly blessed I get to share every day with her. There are those very rare times when I just want to.................... and then there is Scott. For that, I personally thank you, with out you we would not be on the path that we are. I speak for both Melissa and myself when I say that we look forward to our joint futures together.

I believe a special thank you must also be made to all of our family's and loved ones. With the busy lives that we all lead, family time is a precious and valuable thing, allowing us to steal away that time to peruse our dreams is a truly amazing thing.. (Even when you beg us to get them out of the house for a Saturday)

Our Clients...

I can't say enough about our clients, aside from the fact that we think of you all more as friends. Getting to spend these precious times with you and your family's this year has been truly magical. I find it strangely un-nerving how emotionally attached I can sometimes get to my work, this year I have laughed and cried with my clients. From rings being dropped, the jokes told, bridesmaids passing out, first and last dances with grandfathers, to bride and groom gitters a like I have truly enjoyed them all. Working with all of you has made this year a truly wonderful experience.

The should ofs and could ofs...

There we a few of them this year, we learned so much, developed our photographic styles so much this year that it still amazes me to look back and see the development. Of course there were mistakes made this year, shots that we took time in setting up that never really turned out. Now that I sit back and think about them, I am very glad that they all happened. They were so intricate in our learning process, each mistake and brick wall that we floundered into caused an explosion of ideas and growth. While hind site is 2020, I would not give up those experiences with the gift of foreknowledge.

Personally...

During all of this, on a personal level we got out from under a very nice but WAY to expensive townhouse, and into our own home, and added an addition to our little clan in the form of a fourth pet, and sort0f well behaved, very funny, and sometimes supper lovie Beagle/Jack Russel Terrie named Kooper.

A conversation...

A photographer just starting out contracted me via social media and asked what I thought was the most important thing they needed to know in order to start a successful photography studio. My reply was "Forget sleep".

While my reply was to be witty, I don't think I can answer that question for anyone except us. I know what we needed to do in order to start a studio, but I think that is different for each person, for each creative and shooting style. What works for us, would fail if turned in a Starbucks franchise format.

On the horizon...

We have so many things planned for next year I sometimes have a hard time keeping it all straight. There is everything from new gear, to new techniques, a new web page design that has to happen. We are expanding our market share again next year, as well as bringing on some new vendors for products and services. We are also looking to launch this blog into its full learning and development potential for photography education. Its is going to be an extremely exciting and busy year.

Closing...

I would like to wrap today with a simple and heartfelt thank you to Melissa. I could wax and wane lyricaly about how much I love and appreciate you and all the things you do. But I feel that nothing better explains it all better then.

Thank you and I love you.

As this years wedding season draws to a close, and preparations begin for next year, I can only think of one thing.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more
Let your shutters fly, and flashes sparkle
F-stop set and exposures calculated
Master, slaves dialed in and ready
Batteries charged, channels checked
Brides and Grooms, flower girls and fathers await for us,
They wait for us, anticipation on their minds of our creative eye
Trust and faith has been placed in us to capture the moment in their minds eye
Create the images, dazzle the mind
Show them the light of your trained eye,
Tell the story, tell the emotion, capture the detail
Let them dace, and let them smile
For one chance we have dear friends,
One chance, one chance alone to capture it all
2011 wedding season is coming, and she will be here soon!

As the world turns...

January 27th, 2010...

That's the date of the last blog post I made to Broken Shami, as with all things in life, change happens.

What's happened here you ask, I learned what I wanted to be when I grow up. Over the past two years my loving and always caring wife, Melissa and I have started a photography business.

With the assistance of our good friend Scott B. We have gotten our little start up off the ground and running.

I give you.. Melissa McClain Photography.
www.melissamcclainphotography.com

It took me till 33 years of age to come to terms with lots of things, one of them is what I wanted to do with my professional life. I have come to learn that I love photography, even the sucky parts of it.

No for the tricky part, I'm also a really good trainer, and learning developer.

So the goal over the next few months is to try to merge my two professional loves together. I am not the end all be all photography guru, I learn something new every day. This blog is a hope that I can share the lesson learned and "Hey that's neat" to anyone that is looking to listen.

Initial post subjects are going to be focused on:
Company Introduction
Wireless speed light triggers
Photoshop plugins, tips and tricks
Off camera lighting techniques

There is also a change that this blog may! just may move off Blogger due to image copyright issues, more to follow on that.

With fond memories we say goodbye to Broken Shami it has been fun, and hello Photo Force.

So stay tuned, more to follow.
~Jason

Excuse me sir...

On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again. I just want to get out there with all my long lost friends, I just can't wait to get on the road again.

Its Cold here in the northeast. DAMM cold. So while I know you can and have ridden in the winter, its just, well in truth, not that much fun. I give you the following reason:

1) Two words - FROST BITE!

b) Dressing up like the a extremely reflective version of the stay-puff marshmallow man.

3) Cold and sometimes WET saddle - Never impressive after effect.

Since I can't ride, I came up with a plan. Well not true, My wife came up with a plan, and then gave me enough time to make me think it was my idea so I would get behind it!! She is so smart.

The Gym...

We have a gym membership, and since gym memberships are allot like in home trainers, it has been collecting dust for sometime.

Hang with me for a few here, will get to the point after a little back story.

Last weekend, I went through all of my clothes and donated the stuff I will not wear anymore. I got a storage tub together for all the stuff that don't fit now, but I would like to have fit again.

Well 1 tube was not enough... Gerrrrrr. It ended up being two 35 gallon tubs of clothing that I liked but does not fit me any more, and two of the shits that made the pile I bought not more then 5 months ago.

So the wife (love you sweetness) directed the following conversation:

Wife - If her best wife voice

"We are going back to the gym!"

Me - In my best whinny husband

"But, I hate the gym!"

Wife

"You're going, get over it"

Me - trying to sound depressed

"ok"

So here is where I come to relies that my wife is a genius, I'm not talking about the saving man kind by building a better mouse trap genius. I'm talking the world is my puppet and all I have to do it pull the strings kind of genius. The kicker is she plays non-genius like for simplicity, and I think tax purposes.

We were supposed to go to the gym on Sunday, did not happen, we slept in, Monday, did not happen, worked to late.

By now, I feel like I got out of school for two days, but also I have been looking at my self in the mirror.

When was the last time you did that, I mean really look. If your over weight, take a look in the mirro with your shirt off!
How far down you sides do you arms hit?
Wow, that's a love handle, hell that's a love safety bar, its a love hotel.
What happened to my neck?

And here is the real kicker.

Me in High School -

Buff, athletic, Has a neck!

Cheeks don't puff out at the ear line
No cheek meat creeping into my field of vision!

Me Now -

Note the following:
Chin has friend growing under it
Cheeks go OUT at the ears
Neck? anyone seen the neck

Lets review the changes, ahh hell its easy,its 16 years and a 150 lbs.

My goal...

High school playing weight might be a little unrealistic, but being able to shop a Old Navy should

not be.

Today: 351.9

1st Goal: 299.9

2nd Goal: 250.0

Final Goal: 225.0

Weekly Goal: 2 - 4lbs
Target Date: Nov 24th, 2010

How I plan on getting there...

Step 1: Continue to eat healthy

We do a good job at this, but I have a weakness, its the after work snack. Well kabatch to that. I joined up at livestrong.com, My Plate for Food and

fitness tracking. (LINK)

Step 2: Eat less then your burn

Short of surgery, there is only 1 way to make your body loses weight. Its to eat less calories then your burn in the course of the day. I feel the key to that is to know what you ate at any given moment and then to STOP when you hit your goal. That is where livestrong.com and My Plate come in. If I eat it, I track it!

Step 3: Get active or die trying

I hate running, I have always hated running, but when I was an athlete, I was good at it. I was always a big guy, but I was a big guy in the way of, wow, he must be very strong. For a big guy I could run. 250 lbs and a 7.45 min mile. Time to get back to that.

Step 3 part 1: Couch to 5k.

Three very dear freinds of mine Dave H., Joe H. and Anna B. are all big fans of and support the Couch to 5k running program. (Link)

Last night I downloaded the podcast (Link), and the wife and I hit the gym.

I did something I have not done since 1996, I ran. No one was chasing me, I was not trying to get away from a crashing plane, I just ran.

Now I will fully admit that this program is designed for a couch potato, and not someone who has gained wight and is starting to look like a couch. But I ran. Me, big guy, RUNNING!!!

And it was... well... Fun.... what the hell is wrong with me...

There was a point in the podcast (I typed that potcast the first time, wow funny) where the guy says, "OK, this is your next to last push, you be starting to feel the effects of your runs at this point"

...hugghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

!!! bphuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

...huggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Lets see was I feeling the effects? If the feeling that I was to be "starting to feel" was trying really hard to NOT throw up on the gym strumpet on the stair climber in front of me, then yea I was feeling it.

I completed Week 1 Day 1 and felt really good about my self, when I stepped off the treadmill I my legs went out faster than a diabetic child and pinata party, but I felt good.

Step 3 Part 2: We are going to PUMP you up.

I have two problem areas that need improvement.

1) Abbs - My six pack has gone south for the winter. "Me Tengo un six pack de cervesa, por favor"

2) Chest - Well lets just say I have never had that manly man chest and leave it at that shall we.

So to correct these two problems I am going to target them every time I am there with some sort of work out. It may always be something different, but I will always do something to work on these two areas.

Step 3 Part 3: My long lost Trigger.

I miss my bike, new job, new business yada, yada. But I miss ridding. I am going to get back in the saddle again.

Now I know what someone might be thinking. 'Hell man, you are running, and you can bike, all you have to do is get in some swim and you can do a baby tri"

.....silence....

Ahhhhhhh, well, there is a problem there, Its, you see, well, how do I put this nicely.

I sink.

Thats not a typeo (cause you know they never happen around here) It was not supposed to be 'I stink', its 'I SINK', you know the opposite of FLOAT. I know what they say, fat floats right. I am living proff that is false. Oh I'm not talking go to the bottom like a rock sink, I'm talking nose just under water sink. Like can't breath without swimming sink.

I like running, biking and lifting for the reason that when I get to tired I can stop and and not Drowned! Its the same reason I like driving over flying, you can safely run out of gas. AAA can't do a blessed thing when you run out of gas in a plane!

This is why I keep my butt out of the deep end of the pool!

So that's the plan, I will post updates after they happen.

Now for the three common Broken Shami posts everyone seems to love.

Why Helmets don't suck...

SEE! This is EXACTLY why helmets don't suck
Have to give the kid points on his technique, lead with the head!

Sgt Pezzer's Fail of the Day...

Before having dignitaries on the show, always ensure the seating is in working order.

Crazy Pet Pic...

Ever wonder what your pets do when you not home, well they bring over their friends of course!

The Deer Door - Watch more Funny Videos

Lunch and Why Cats Hate Baths...

So I have a problem, well three...

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.

My real problem is I Love food. No, thats not quite right either I LOVE FOOD! I know what you might be saying, "yea, yea, yea, we all love food" Allow me to explain.

LOVE IT! All of it! Love it like a crack addict with Trumps visa card LOVE IT. Hence the problem, I love it, there for I tend to eat to much of it, and well lets just say that I don't love cloths shopping as a result.

Soooooooo, as a part of my ever on going fight with weight loss, and well my ongoing love of GEEK type items. I have purchased a new lunch box, with the goal of eating better, home made, lunches.

This was done with three things in mind:
1) Buying lunch every day is, as my British friend would say, Bloody Expensive!
2) Home made lunch is cheaper, and I can control all aspects of the lunch, from portions to nutritional balance.
3) The more and more I read about the current state of industrial agriculture, USDA policy, and in no small part the over all health of this nation, I'm becoming a convert to the believe that you truly "Are what you eat" or better put "You are what you eat, eats"

So what did I get that will help with all of this you ask?

Its a Benito Box, well sort of.

I give you MR. Benito...

The Delimia: I was looking for a way to take multiple, small portions of healthier foods to work for lunch. I also wanted to feel satisfied after lunch, so that I would not be walking around the office looking for a slow or crippled programmer that might qualify as "Easy Pray"

I located the Mr. Benito on Amazon and after reading up on some of the reviews placed the order. Today is the Day 1 lunch.

The idea behind this item is this, their are 4 individual compartments inside a vacuum sealed thermos. You pack in what ever it is you would like to have for lunch, Hot or cold, and when it comes time to eat lunch they should still be hot or cold.

Wonderful idea with some planning, so here is the thing. This item is based on the Japaneses lunch. IE the Benito. So NO microwave at work. I'm perfectly OK with that, since the microwave at my office looks like a petri dish a week after Steven Tyler spit in it inside, I will not use it.

It also wins points for a nicely appointed caring case with an internal "Pouch" that will hold chopsticks, silverware, and ever the SPORK it comes with (I love that part)

How it all stacks up. As you can see from the picture, each of the containers have their own lid. The top two are Tupperware style, snap on. I will say this about them, they are air tight, I have to burp them a bit after getting the lid on or the air pressure in side will pop them back off.

The next container down, has a gasket-ed screw on lid with a pressure release valve in it. This one is for you Hot/Cold lunch item. Think soup, hot protein that sort of thing.

The last container is also the largest, has an insulated lid. In the Japaneses style lunch this is for rice. It can be used for anything dry-ish. The real determination for this one is nothing with a runny sauce, or liquid that can escape the lid. So rice, pasta, salad ect.

Today's Meal...

So what was on tap for the first run of Mr. Benito (ever time I say I get the song Mr Robato stuck in my head)

From Left to right:
1) Home made cole-slaw with two pickles
2) Raw - Carrots, Cucumbers and Radish (BuRP)
3) 5 oz Med-Rare Beef chunks salt pepper and a touch of oil
4) 2 cups Couscous with sauteed Mushrooms, Carrots and Celery

Total Caloric intake - Aprox: 650 cals.

I have to admit that when I was packing up this morning, I was really worried that I would still be hungry after lunch. I AM STUFFED! for the next outing I will be definitively cutting the portion sizes of the Protein and Carbs back some to find that happy balance.

Mom Hooked me up...

My mother also hooked me up this year for Christmas, along with some really snazzy camera and editing gear, she got me a soup Thermos. I love soup this time of year, heck I love soup any time of year.

This little guy, holds about 10 oz of soup, if you prime it before loading hot soup in, its sill HOT when you take it out for lunch. Very, Very pleased.



My Mother-in-Law also hooked me up...

Breakfast for me, most days is yogurt, some fruit, and a cup of coffee. Typically I buy Stoneyfield Organic Yogurt. $0.79 to $1.05 per container for a meal, killer. Taste.. well, its what 95% of Americans call yogurt. Its sweet, tastes like fruit and is rather, forgettable.

I give you my answer, The Euro Cuisine YM100 (oh yes). Its a in home yogurt incubator.

Seems devilishly simple: Dairy + Culture + Heat + Time = Yogurt

I was really expecting something tricky here, it just seems that making yogurt should be complicated. When ever I think about fermenting milk with live bacteria in it, it just sounds like something that, if screwed up should make you move your laptop stand into the bathroom so you can get some work done.

But its not, it is actually so freaking simple you are left feeling a little disconnected from the process at the end.

Here are the steps:
1) Heat Dairy: I brought 48oz of 1% Organic milk to 180 deg F
2) Cool Dairy: I placed the sauce pan in a sink of cold water till the temp was 113 deg F
3) Add live Culture: Add 1 packet of live culture, whisk to combine
4) Fill Cups: ummmm, well, I filled the little glass cups, what else can I say
5) Power up, Set Timer, cover and walk away: Put the cups in the incubator with out their lids, cover with the incubator lid, set the trimmer to 7.5 hours and don't touch for 7.5 hours.

After the 7.5 hours were over, I pulled them out, put the lids on and placed them in the fridge. After about 2 hours to allow them to cool, I took one out and tasted it.

HOLY CRAP! is that what yogurt should taste like?!? Its good, no sweetner, no fruit, no nothing. Just good!

I will admit that I put 1 TBS of Honey on top of the yogurt when loading up my bags in the AM just to add a bit of flavor, but its still not overly sweet. You can still taste the yogurt, it has this wonderful bitter/sweet flavor where you can really taste and appreciate both the yogurt and the honey as well as their flavor together. I did a side by side comparison to Stonyfield today, it was like drinking a really good home or Micro brew next to a Coors Light. With the commercial yogurt I could not taste the yogurt at all, all you got was the flavoring.


When the Chinese Attack...

There is nothing scarier or more sinister then 30 Dungeons and Dragons/Star Trek Convention police coming full speed at you on their Segways?

Don't the guns look a little small? I mean if you're going to demoralize your SWAT team by forcing them to ride Segways, couldn't you at least outfit them with something that does not look like its going to fire a paint ball out the end of it.

They make me feel bad...

Ever wash a cat? Or as I call it, "Water Tested my chain mail" If you have you have probably seen something like this. I can still remember my first time.

"Insert Dream Sequence Music"

Me - Honey, the cat smells a little funny, I'm going to give it a bath.
Soon to be wife (Aka Honey) - Ahhhhhhhh, ok, have fun with that.
Me - Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Kitty - What do you want? Have you feed me or cleaned my pop, if the answer is no, go try again.
Honey - ahhh, just curious, do you have everything ready to wash the cat
Me - Yea, I got the cat shampoo, and a towel
Honey - You might want to consider (I have to admit, that after 7 years together I have learned that any sentence that starts with "You might want to consider" is my wife's way of saying "What you about to do it stupid, and unless you do what comes next, its either going to heart, be expensive, make you look like an idiot, or some/all of the above) You might want to consider taking everything out of the shower/tub area and laying down a few extra towels. Also a change of clothing might be a good idea. Do you have any long gloves?
Me - Its just a cat, I out weight it by 900%.
Honey - Ok (also worth note, the tone of this OK is really important as I will learn)
Me - I grab the cat, and head for the bathroom.
Cat - "Hi, where we going? Why are you carrying me, you know I can walk? what the... why are we going in there... we never go in there together..... wait a minute... is that PET SHAMPOO!!! ABORT, ABORT!!!! CODE RED!!!!!! CODE BLACK!!!, CODE KIBBLE!!!DIVE, DIVE, DIVE!!! AHOOOOGAAH!!!"

Side Note - This is about the time when I placed the cat in the tub and turned on the water. Time slowed at this point. Cat pulled off one of the greatest feats of feline athletics I have ever witness and felt all at the same time. She extended every claw she has, exploded in about 3 different directions, proceeded to run up my arm, over my shoulder and down my back and out the bathroom door that I, did not think to close. I will also like to mention that the cat did not get wet, but somehow I am now soaking wet every place the cat touched me, along with a very interesting track mark pattern of blood droplets forming every place a paw made contact.

Me - After performing triage on my wounds, I walked out of the bathroom looking like Frankenstein's monster after a bender. My goal, find the cat.

Me - Post removing everything from my closet and extracted the cat, and returned her to the bathtub.
Cat - "I'm going to kill you in your sleep!"
Me - I proceed to make the cat wet by splashing it with my hand, cause I did not plan ahead for a method of doing this. Well apparently, cats hate this.
Cat - While moving in ever direction at the same time, proceeds to pull down ever soap bottle, razor, washing sponge, shower curtain, plunger and toilet brush it can get its claws on.
Me - My hand slips from the cat - opps!
Cat - FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cat is out of the tub, and doing low level laps around bathroom looking for a way out, all the while shacking and rubbing making everything with in a 5 1/2 foot vertical and horizontal radius of it soapy and wet.
Me - After putting a move on the cat that would make Jimmy Supper Fly Snukka envious I manage to wrestle it back into the tub for the rinse cycle.
Me - Rather then splashing the cat with water, I drained the tub, filled it half full with clean, luke warm water and proceeded to gently dunk the cats body under the water repetitively. Yea, they hate this ever more. Never mind that I was taking special care to keep the cats head out of the water during this process.
Cat - Performing what I believe is the last ditch effort of a panicking creature, proceeds to apply a Death Grip on tub filler.
ME - Wow, cat fir sure holds on to soap, using a full cup of soap might have been to much.
Cat - "Your a dead man!"
Me - "Honey, can you please bring me a pitcher from the kitchen, I need to get all this soap out?"
Cat - "Ohhhhh, I see, yea, your death will be slow"
Honey - ahh ok (see its that tone again, its the OK of knowing better then what I'm about to try, don't get me wrong, its a very loving OK)
Me - After playing a rather painful game of catch the wet cat, I managed to wash, rinse and dry-ish the cat. At this point I was ready to let the animal free into the house when...
Honey - "Oh, you cant just let them go, they will get cold with all that wet fur." My loving Soon to be wife, picks that cat up wrapped up in a dry and I think warmed up in the oven towel. All the while she is speaking kind sotthing words to the anamila. The cat is eating this up, purring, and being all lovie.

Then it looks at me... ICE

Me - After my wife and cat left the room, I survayed the damage. Damm... It looks like a wet fur bomb went off in here.
1) Where in the hell did all the fur come from?
2) When did the cat have time to dunk the tolet paper into the tub and then put it back on to the roll?
3) Did it leave anything standing?
4) I did not release that cat fir would hold that much water, right up to the point the cat jumps from the tube, then it seems to just sheet right of them.
5) WOW, I am really bleeding! I mean really, it looks like I picked a fight with a weedwacker

Honey - Wife leaves the bathroom caring lovie cat in her gentle arms for the sofa
Me - 45 min latter I join Wife and Cat on the sofa after cleaning the bath room and putting everything back in its place. I also downed a glass of OJ, cause I hear that its good for you after giveing blood.